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Verbal Assassination

2006 Predictions

By Ron Lee
The Verbal Assassin

Last year, more as a joke than anything, I speculated what would come of us in 2005. I included many humorous "predictions" like Angelina Jolie falling for me (Sorry, Angelina, I found someone better) and I didn't think much of it until the more serious prophetic tellings started coming to pass.

While my most dire predictions did not occur, thankfully, like a dirty bomb attack on the U.S. and a slew of large earthquakes along the West Coast, I did manage to foretell a discovery to drastically reduce cancer cases and that Israel wouldn't pull all the way out of it's Gaza settlements. Also, there was the discovery of a planet beyond Pluto and the presidential assassination attempt. The US~Observer did "win" a big case involving Vietnam Swift Boat Vet Tedd Peck whose charges of filing false tax returns were discovered to come from none other than John Kerry who was under fire by the "Swifties" for falsely claiming his first Purple Heart. The charges were filed when Peck refused to "back off" during Kerry's bid to be our president in 2004. And then there were the things that were talked about in 2005 that backed the predictions, like Taiwan President Chen Shui-bian making statements that he would pursue Taiwan independence from China at the end of the year, as well as announcements that commercial spaceflight would soon be off the ground.

So, this year rather than being "funny" I'm going to stay more serious and put due attention toward a year I feel is going to be one of the most dynamic in modern times.

I've also chosen to ask random individuals for their 2006 predictions. They range from the impossibly hilarious to the sincerely optomistic and are included below.

Now to get on with it ... Hmmmm ... 2006.

1. The country will be awakened to the severity of our Mexican border issue when an armed conflict will take several American lives. The public will increase its pressure on the admiistration to put an end to the obvious invasion.

2. Along with more pounding hurricanes, the country will face an increase in all weather related destruction. From one of the biggest tornado seasons on record that will stretch beyond "tornado alley" to a bitter cold at the end of the year that will cripple most of the northern states.

3. The Bird Flu will genetically alter and begin to infect other livestock. One step closer to the pandemic many experts fear.

4. Iran will back down at the last minute and take the Russian offer of uranium enrichment. This, however, will be done to hide what the security council will find to be their fully active nuclear arms program.

5. With this discovery, the International Atomic Energy Agency will recommend sanctions on Iran in the U.N. Security Council. Once sanctions are in place expect Iran to become hostile.

6. The quest to track down Bigfoot in Malaysia will be successful and the discovery and capture of this ape-like creature will herald Bigfoot fever in the United States to catch their own.

7. Another discovery regarding cancer will begin to give scientists the tools to prevent all types. Possibly something on the genetic level. Like a retro-virus that would go in and rearrange genes to be cancer-free.

8. Are we really alone in this universe? That answer just might be made public this year. Through releases by a government agency, or through actually verifiable contact.

9. Israel will become the target of Iran's weapons program. Israel will retaliate and the entire region will be plunged into a chaotic fighting frenzy.

10. With this dynamic political atmosphere and split in the United States the largest amount of young voters will hit the voting booths this year. This will also be due in part to more political presence by campaigns on the world wide web.

11. Unfortunately, I have to restate my earthquake predictions. I can feel it coming. Don't worry, I won't keep doing this every year ...

Expect a 6.9 to hit Southern California.

To the Northeast near Qualeys Camp, NV (East of Mammoth Lakes) a 7.2 tremblor is heading your way and the caldera will heat up significantly.

From San Francisco North to Eureka, CA expect moving and shaking of 6.7 to 7.

Farther to the North, Portland, OR will be hit by a 6.2 and Seattle, WA will be displaced by a 7.1.

Alaska will erupt in further volcanic activity and the Aleutian Island Chain will be the site of the largest registered quake in recent history at magnitude 10.

Please lookout for our own Tsunami along the Pacific Northwest.

12. Due in part to the financial burden of weather and natural disaster destruction and the escalated costs in our military endeavors look for a serious downturn in the U.S. economy. Also, because of Iran's issues, look for the price of gas to spike this summer over $5.00 per gallon.

13. Lucky 13 ... Heroes will reemerge in our American culture as many will go above and beyond to help their fellow man.

14. NASA will once again suffer a mishap and unfortunately lives will be lost. This will call into question the entire space program until "contact" fervor hits and NASA will roll-out it's new spacecraft. Look for more private spaceflight companies to emerge.

15. Something will happen with Air Force One.

16. Our forces will be split by an Asian military threat.

17. The administration will push through community service legislation requiring each citizen to serve it's country.

18. Brad and Angelina's baby will be herald as the "perfect" baby. Imagine that. (Sorry, I had to ...)

19. Osama will be found but will narrowly escape, once again calling into question the ability of our intelligence agencies to do anything other than spy on the public.

20. Taken from my favorite book, Illusions: the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, my final prediction is that everything written here "could be wrong".

Whatever the outcome of 2006, just remember to focus on the truly important things in life - love, family, belief, laughter, smiles, friendships, and the millions of wonderful moments that make up our lives.

As for what other "see":

Spencer, 31:
I predict Bush will remain above 40% in the polls even though the truth about the crimes he committed while in office become clear. The hurricane season this year will be the worst in recorded history and the current U.S. government will have to begin talks about the reality of global warming. Iran will maintain their nuclear program after indirectly threatening to cut off oil supply to the world. And last but not least, one more terrorist attack on U.S. soil.

Aaron, 29:
al-Qaeda will surrender.

Tom, 50(ish):
Political and social unrest due to the falling dollar (therefore higher prices), the continuing expansion of fascism and gold will hit $5,000.00 an ounce.

Sean, 25:
There will be an attempt to overthrow the Vatican by a group of flamingo ninjas, but will be foiled by Russian Orthodox nuns on magic carpets.

Brandi, 21:
Mariah Carey will come out with, yet again, another #1 hit.

Brittany, 18:
International warfare and relations will become more intense forcing us to either take a step forward or fall apart completely. I feel that this gray area can't continue.

Byron, 21:
The release of Halo 3 for the XBox which is to coincide with the release of the Playstation 3 gaming console will damage Playstation sales and successfully thwart Sony's bid to remain the top gaming console.

Misty, 28:
It has to be a good year! ... If I remain positive everything will be alright for me.

Perhaps Misty has something and all of this could just lead us down the path of self fulfilling our worst prophecies. So, all my best to you and yours in this new year. It will be great!

About the Author: Ron Lee has been a freelance and published writer since 1985. He attended Richmond University in London where he focused on theatre arts, and the University of Nevada Reno where he dual majored in criminal justice and psychology. He currently spends his time helping the US~Observer's clients with his no nonsense investigative reporting style. Ron may be reached at ron@usobserver.com. Favorite quote, "The truth shall make you free." --John VIII. 32