Demanding Accountability

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You Idiot, it’s the Law

By Alysha Young
US~Observer

Some laws are so outdated or ridiculous that they have become known as “Idiot Laws” - originally intended to be laws that have us conduct ourselves in a safe civilized manner, these laws should have never been placed on the books in the first place. It makes me wonder just how many of the laws we are currently adding to the books will be looked back on in 50 years with someone shaking their head laughing, asking themselves, “really?” Much like I did when I stumbled across these laws:

In Minnesota it is evidently illegal to walk across state lines into Wisconsin with a duck on your head. Yeah, a duck. It made me wonder, was this an isolated incident or was there a series of duck-wearing power-walkers that pushed this legal no-no to become law?

In Massachusetts it is rumored to be illegal to park your donkey in a bathtub; something that if it is illegal to wear a duck on your head in Minnesota, it kind of makes sense, right? But then, maybe they were trying to be “politically correct” and didn’t want to say ‘ass,’ which makes much more sense. It would then read, it is illegal to park your ass in a bathtub.

In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a motorized vehicle unless a man is walking in front of or behind the vehicle with a red flag warning pedestrians and other vehicles. You know those woman drivers! This one is supposedly still on the books. Imagine if they started citing this law in order to generate more revenue from tickets!

In the state of Nevada it was once, and may still be on the books, legal to hang someone for shooting your dog. Can you imagine someone using this as their legal defense for hanging someone?

Other laws are completely absurd and in some cases not at all enforceable, but with so many active laws on our books, I find it amazing we can step foot out our doors without receiving a ticket. Because, if they wanted to, they could enforce them all. Like this one in Miami, Florida, (law 1967 8-3) all bicycles must have a warning device audible from 100 feet away equiped, but may not carry a siren or a whistle. What is left, a fog horn? And, imagine if they enforced this! Cops would be out there with sound meters checking all the bicyclists’ little horns, giving them a ticket should it not throw 100 feet.

Now the obviously absurd: in Wisconsin, when two trains come to a stop at an intersection neither may move until the other. Imagine the conductor stations that must have had to deal with that mess every night. Furthermore, who would get the ticket? The one that moved first or the one that waited? Hmm ...

We Oregonians are hardly exempt from the embarrassment of Idiot Laws, they are rife throughout our law books and yes, many of them are in fact not enforceable, but that isn’t the point. Why are they there in the first place? What happens if they try to enforce them - because it is law. Like this reported gem of an ordinance in Willowdale, Oregon where it is a crime for a husband to talk dirty to his wife during intercourse. Uh, yeah. Enough said about that.

In Portland, Oregon, wearing roller blades while in a public restroom is a punishable offense. What money-grubbing roller-blader was sue happy enough to make this a law for everyone? I can see it ... Young roller-blader goes to use facilities, the floor is slippery, falls, lands in the urinal, people laugh and he sues the city? Hmm...

According to a Yamhill, Oregon, Occult Law, (ORD 361) it is illegal to analyze another person. Now, this is concerning the practicing of Tarot card and Aura reading, but last time I checked Shrinks make a living analyzing people, too. So, I guess it could be argued that psychologists can’t help the crazies in Yamhill that made this rule.

But then there are actions that are so obvious in their violation of common sense that it is amusing that they have to be stated as a law.

Laws such as Oregon law 811.025 that declares it illegal to run over pedestrians on sidewalks. So, next time you feel like attempting to avoid street signs, street lights, trash bins, and trees, so that you can beat the traffic, think twice. It is illegal.

It is also illegal to carry your baby on any external part of a motorized vehicle. Ya think? What genius drove off with their kid on the roof to make that a law? Now, even though this should fall under child endangerment laws, I guess it happened enough to be given it’s own status at being specifically illegal.

It’s obvious some laws are based on actions that should be plain common sense, many are redundant, and some are just plain useless when not coupled with a frontal lobotomy.

We, as people, don’t need more and more law in order to keep a functioning society. We actually need much less. We need to scrap these volumes of legal bondage, clean the slate and start over with the basics. Or maybe we can just make one law with varying degrees of offense. It would be the violation of common sense law. But. until we get people into office who don’t want to control our every aspect of existence, we will be forced to live under these “Idiots’ Laws.”

(Contributed to by Ron Lee)

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